So You Wanna Be A Linguist Chili

Submitted by

Eshinee Smallwood

Story behind this recipe

Here's hoping that I remember that I have "filed" this here next semester...


1 tray of ground meat
1 chopped onion
minced garlic
1/2 bottle chili powder
salt and pepper, at will
1 can of tomato sauce
1 can of tomatoes
1 can of kidney beans

Serving size


Measuring units


Cooking Instructions

Cry into a nonstick pan, turn on medium heat and begin to let the meat sizzle. Push garlic through your pencil sharpener into the pan. Run the onion across your wits until shredded. Add to the browning meat. Holding the salt, pepper and chili powder bottles above the pan, begin to think about the grammar filing you meant to do over the weekend but you left until last night because you just HAD to go for that 15 hour coffee break Saturday afternoon. Use your bodies own convulsive action to determine how much seasoning will be required to mingle with your freshly wrung tears of panic to create the perfect sauce. Point frantically at the cans until your roommate opens them and adds them to the other ingredients for you. Grab the nearest spoon (aforementioned roommate has wisely hidden all other kitchen utensils until after your presentation) and, delving deeply into the everpresent possibility of ergativity, follow the spinning of your head with your upper torso until all ingredients are as mixed up as you feel. Pray that the trusty roommate had the foresight to make rice. Clear a 2 foot space in the sea of paper on the floor. Eat.